“New
Education Initiative Replaces K-12 Curriculum With Single Standardized Test”
By:
Unknown
Source: theOnion
On February 19, 2015, the United States Department of
Education came up with a better education system for all children grades K-12.
All children five to eighteen will take a four hour long standardized test.
Only, every student will have identical copies of the test, no matter what age
group they belong to. This will ensure that each student is evaluated equally
and that there is no discrimination towards anything; not even age. So
basically, 5 year olds will have to take tests on things they did not even know
existed! The topics of the standardized tests are; World War I, cursive
penmanship, state capitals, pre-algebra, Newtonian mechanics, and biology. According
to Education Secretary Arne Duncan, there is no better way to ensure
consistency in America’s schools! This test will completely replace the normal
curriculum for grades K-12, including classwork and homework. Ten year old Jeff
Escudero says it has been very stressful studying, but that he is glad he will
not have to go to school after he takes his test. This article is something
every high school student can relate to. It makes fun of the very high
importance and relevance that is placed on ACT/SAT tests. The unnecessary
significance that is placed on these standardized tests puts too much pressure
on students, making it seem as if these tests are their only tickets to a good
college/university. So this parody is very relatable by students in school;
high school especially, since they are getting ready to go to college. The
article also gives the ten year old boy as an example to show the
ridiculousness when stated that he will stop going to school after the test due
to its high importance.
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